And you're getting better at it every year

Every choice adds another layer

But you do. And that’s a problem.

The verdict arrives before the curiosity does. Lazy. Weak. No willpower. Why can’t I just stop. The behaviour is barely finished before the judgment is already in.

The assumption built into most therapy, most self-help, and most well-meaning advice is that understanding why you do something is the path to doing it differently. It’s right. It’s just not the whole story.

Someone in a meeting reads criticism into a neutral comment. Someone else walks into every new relationship knowing — knowing — how it's going to end. None of this is perception. It's recognition. And recognition is always backwards-looking.